I just got off the phone with my sister Christie. We talk to each other once a week. We have for years, for as long as I can remember. She is who gave me my name "Little Bug"! I can't remember why she dubbed me this, but I love that she does call me this, it makes me feel special! She is a little over two years older then me. Growing up we weren't as close as we have become. We used to fight a lot. We were complete opposites growing up. She was the neat nik, I was the slob. She loved to listen to "golden oldies" I prefered Rock and Roll. We shared a bedroom and when we went to bed nights, she wanted the lights off, I wanted them on. She was the goodie-two-shoes, I was the wild child. She was the honor roll student, I would recieve praise for getting a "C" on my grade card! She had curly dark hair, I had poker straight blonde hair. About the only thing we had in common was our big brown eyes, that we got from our mom, and the sexual abuse we suffered at the hands of our "grandpa".  Yet we never told each other about what was going on until we were adults. You wonder why a child of  sexual abuse keeps this deep dark secret to themself? We're we ashamed, embarressed, or just afraid to rat on the abuser?  I think we kept it to ourselves because we did not want to hurt our grandma. She had no idea as to what was going on, and if she would have known, it probably would have killed her. Grandma was a devout Christian and a very loving woman. Her dad was a "fire and brimstone" preacher. He was my dads saviour when he was growing up. Grandmas first husband, my dad and my Aunts dad, walked out on Grandma, leaving her with two little ones to raise on her own. She worked hard to make ends meet. Dad was very close to his Grandpa Loper, I imagine he took the place of a male figure in Dads life. I have a few pictures of Dad with his grandpa..and he's holding his hand in both of them. You can see in his eyes, that he adored his grandpa. I wish I could have known this man who my dad loved so very much. Dad once told us that when he was about 14 years old, after Grandma had married her second husband, that he beat the crap out of dad. I can't remember why he recieved this beating, but Dad told his Grandpa Loper about it, and it did not sit well with him at all. Dad said his grandpa Loper went to his stepdad and warned him that he better not EVER lay a hand on his grandson again! And there was something about Grandpas cane, that I can't remember, but if I had to try to remember, I'd say that Grandpa Loper told dads stepdad that he was going to use it on him if he ever touched dad again!
I can't even remember when it was that my sister and I finally told each other, and our mom and dad, about what this man had done to us...but I think it was after he passed away. We're we trying to protect him? My mom and dad had NO idea, I wonder if we had told them before "grandpa" passed away what would have happened? It's all a bit of a blur to me...my sister and I both believe that we are repressing a lot of what happened. That we've tucked it away deep into that part of your brain, where you put things things that are just be a little too hard to deal with. Christie and I both believe that this is what shaped our lives...it is why we did what we did, and why we are the way we are. She is a control freak, the neat nik, and the goodie-two shoes because she feels this is something she does have control over. It was her way of dealing with the abuse. I on the other hand, was the wild child, I believe because after hearing so many times "You're my favorite" from my grandpa, while he had his hands down my panties, that I figured this was the way to get attention. For years I felt shame for all I put my poor parents thru. It wasn't until one of my sisters therapists told her that we did what we did to get thru what we were going thru...that there was no right or wrong way of doing it, just the fact that we survived it was all that mattered. And survive we did!
We are still as different as night and day..but we do get along now! We still may have disagreements, but we know that we will always be here for each other. We love each other and are best friends! Thank you Lord for my sister Christie!